7-Flag

We met at a vegetarian cafe for coffee/tea at 7pm on a FRIDAY because he doesn’t drink as of two months ago (I’m told to “ask later”). Red flag: 1.

At first, I don’t recognize 7-Flag AT ALL from his online profile picture but there’s only one guy sitting alone at the cafe that maybe, sort of looks like him. But if that’s 7-Flag, I’m a little pissed that he’s already ordered and is halfway through a coffee.

It’s 7-Flag.

He spots me, comes over, and gives me the weakest handshake ever. EVER. Like shaking hands with J-E-L-L-O.

Buys me an iced coffee and we then go back to sit down at a dirty table (you’ll remember this part later, as I have, and be a little confused). Dirty. Huge crumbs of a previously consumed meal at the table that are so large, you can narrow down possible items on the menu that would identify what they were when once whole.

He grew up as an Orthodox Jew – I’m 100% positive that I didn’t know that detail prior to that moment – and has now spent 11 years non-observant.

7-Flag’s “not bitter,” but he kind of is. Really is. He hates “these self-righteous rabbis.” Yeah, Earth to 7-Flag: “You’re fucking bitter!” Seriously, he proclaimed his lack of bitter-ness several times but, then again, he also remarked “the Nazi’s missed a few.” Red flag: 2 and 3

In spite of myself, I really like his eyes.

I disclose that I spent 8 years as an Orthodox Jew and eventually left because I couldn’t stand the racism and political conservatism of the majority of the people I encountered; I felt isolated with only a handful of the billion people I met in the community being people I’d want to hang out with; I couldn’t stand the sexually repressive culture that has the horrible side effect of making 30- 40- something year old men feel perfectly entitled to talk about a phony sexual escapade at a dinner party on SHABBAT with complete strangers. But I’m not bitter. I’m really not. Really.

He's got a professional day job that requires a graduate degree. He's also in a band. Plays guitar. Sings. That’s hot.

It’s a Jewish band that mostly plays weddings. Orthodox Jewish weddings. Less hot.

And, he’s got “adult onset OCD.” That’s rare. You usually are diagnosed with OCD in your teens or 20s but 7-Flag is 40. And as 7-Flag explains, “when you get it as late as I did, it’s most likely the result of some head trauma.” He had such trauma. A couple years ago, he walked into a glass window at a kosher pizza place and later had a huge bump on his head. Would have sued the place, too, but the head trauma has caused him to forget important details about the incident that would be necessary to his case. Like, the date it happened. He says he has “witnesses” but I guess they don’t remember that detail, either. I don’t know, I didn’t want to pursue it.

OK, his eyes are not only a nice shade of green, they also sparkle. And have a lovely shape.

So, how did he find out about the OCD? He had an episode. Red flag number 4.

7-Flag was at work and a colleague touched his keyboard – note, he struggled to find the word “keyboard” and kept doing that annoying thing bad actors do when they’re trying to remember something by snapping their fingers in a circular motion while looking up; could be the head trauma – and it made him really antsy. He went downstairs for air then came back, got really close to the this other guy’s head and said, “if you ever touch my keyboard again, I’ll fucking kill you.” Red flag number 5, 6, and 7. And, I think I almost wet myself.

This prompts a six month stint where he cannot leave his home. Except, that is, to go to therapy, which is required to get the prescription for the “meds.”

But going to the shrink means taking the F train. And to do that, he must wear two pairs of gloves and even then, can’t bear to touch anything. That means, that when on the train, 7-Flag plants his feet – spread about 2 feet apart – solidly on the floor and stands with his arms outstretched for balance.

Now, he’s OK.

He’s on meds but not drinking. Maybe alcohol mixes poorly with the meds? I’m too anxious to ask and not really thinking clearly because I’m imagining 7-Flag on the F train in the stance he described. Naked.

He wants to have dinner this week! And my first instinct is, “eh, it’s just dinner”… I’m so troubled by this reflex…