Whatever happened to...

...these guys?

Sweet talker...

So, I'm totally not interested in this guy and he's made several attempts to get my attention online. His latest flirty message:

i guess it depends on how often youre hungry but you seem far from obese can you lift up the guitar so i can be certain? i can always arrive at store beforre you and buy up all the haagen dazs

Seriously. I didn't edit that at all so first strike, the typos. Second strike, he's a jerk.

Third strike, his description of himself:

I'm left handed, edgy. never sarcastic, with excellent kissing-lips. Although im not all that psyched about "changing the world", i'd much rather change a disturbing dynamic than to pseudo-helplesssly ride its tide. I find myself ultra-witty, with notes of oak and genius. . .. Born leader, decisive. Not a wise guy -punster type. Have been on both sides of the proverbial tracks, even been On the tracks a few times, which provide[s] me with invaluable perspective and empathy. I'd have to say im primarily an intellectual, but the feeling of working up a good physical sweat is sublime. Fine food, fresh air, witty banter, all are pleasure inducing activities.

Ew.

What would you say about yourself in 1k words or less?

You have 1,000 characters in which to sell yourself. GO!

Willing to chat and have a laugh with anyone!!
Easy going tall dark and...well you decide!! I love having a good time and always having a laugh and a nice wine to match. Im easy going and love to share cuddles and a beautiful meal with the right person, i am interested in meeting a easy going amputee with similar interests looking for a laugh and an easy going time with maybe more to follow!!...

Amputee? Well, he had no picture so who knows?

Trader Joe's - Deal-breaker?

I haven’t written in a while… but it’s not because I’ve been dateless. Indeed, I’ve been on what I’m calling a “man-blast from the past” for the past few weeks that we’ll talk about later. But last night, a new guy brought yet more issues to the forefront.

As I get older, I get more and more, howyousay, ‘particular.’ At first, it started innocent enough: I could not date redheads. I just don’t find redheads attractive. Then, it was more than that… I couldn’t date anyone that looked like they liked tuna. And then, I couldn’t date anyone named Josh.

At some point, I realized that all of these very specific aversions all come down to one really bad experience in sixth grade when we were forced to Square Dance (I don’t know why, either) at our culmination ceremony. We had to practice for weeks before and we always had a different partner. One day, my partner was a redhead named Josh who was a super duper awkward kid that ate his lunch in the boys’ lavatory and picked his nose constantly, followed by placing his boogers on a piece of paper in his desk. Anyway, we were at Square Dancing practice, my skin was crawling just thinking of touching Josh’s booger infested hands, when Josh suddenly went pale and threw up. Threw up a tuna sandwich. And crapped his pants. All at the same time. I can’t imagine what that did to this kid who clearly had issues but the episode has haunted me for 20 years now.

Last night, I went out with a perfectly nice guy. Smart. Successful. Funny. Doesn’t really look like a tune lover… We had a weird exchange, though, about the opening of a Trader Joe’s in our neighborhood. I LOVE Trader Joe’s. I don’t go all that often because the one in Union Sq is always crowded and then I’d have to drag all my stuff back uptown. It’s just not fun. But a location in my neighborhood? Sweet. I see myself there. Often. So, I was thrilled when this guy mentioned the news to me! Except, he doesn’t really care for Trader Joe’s. According to him “it’s just another market” and worse, “it smells funny.”

Is not liking Trader Joe’s a deal breaker? I don’t know.