Why didn't you write?

Most online dating sites have a feature that allows you to see who has viewed your profile. You can choose to block people from knowing that you looked at their profile but in the online dating world, I kind of think of this being the equivalent of making eye contact in a bar. You're sending a signal that at a minimum implies some interest in knowing more about this person.

From there, if you do not write to the person, there are a few reasons why:

1. You read the profile, looked at the pictures that the person posted, and are not interested in knowing more and definitely not signaling to communicate;
2. You accidentally clicked on the wrong thumbnail;
3. You saw that this person was checking you out and you wanted to know who it was;
4. You're a woman and much as every man invites you to write to them in their profile essay (indeed, just posting a profile on the site is an invitation for messages), they really want to be the ones pursuing you. So, you just have to wait and see if the "I looked at your profile" move will push him to contact you; or
5. You are interested and need some time to think of what to say.

Yesterday, I looked at loads of profiles. Some fell into that #4 category but many fell into #1. The result? I got seven emails from men this morning; 1 from someone I'm interested in and 6 from people that I have no interest in pursuing.

What's funny to me is that the majority of those 6 messages were just as unappealing as their profiles. Check out this one:

i see you stopped by and did not say "what's up."

i know it can be intimidating to be in the presence of such a sexy attractive man.

so, tell me some interesting things about yourself that would make me want to get to know you better.

Yeah, that is an actual message that I received from a man that, presumably, is interested in me. Now, I didn't write to this guy for several reasons but I'm considering whether or not a reply to his message presents a "teachable moment." Doesn't have to be cruel but could just say:

Dear WhyDidntYouWrite,
Thanks for your note. I didn't write to you after viewing your profile because I didn't think we had much in common. But your message to me was so bizarre, I couldn't help but respond.

I'm not sure what you hope to accomplish with your message. First, you rebuke me for looking at your profile without taking action ("i see you stopped by and did not say 'what's up.'"). Then, knowing your profile didn't encourage me to contact you, you compliment the features of yourself that didn't impress me to begin with ("i know it can be intimidating to be in the presence of such a sexy attractive man"). And finally, after looking at the profile I wrote which presents several things I believe to be interesting about myself, you want me to come up with more to entice you ("so, tell me some interesting things about yourself that would make me want to get to know you better").

Is it safe to assume that you didn't read my profile and that this is the form message you send to everyone? I hope so because if this is an original attempt at flirting with me specifically, it doesn't make much sense. Ordinarily, I'd just not reply and even now, I should be clear that I am not interested... but I wanted you to know that this is not an effective message. And if it is the standard cut and paste job that you're sending to everyone, you're likely going to attract someone super insecure and dull that will feed your narcissism until you tire of them. Maybe that's the kind of relationship you're looking for - if so, continue sending this message to women that visit your profile - but if it isn't, I feel like you'd be better to send a note that follows this format (in all lower case, as you seem to like) - hey, i noticed you cruised by my profile and so i took a look at yours. i really liked what you said about (insert something specific from the woman's profile). (insert follow up question about that specific thing)? look forward to hearing from you.

Doesn't that seem like a less jack-assy message than the one you sent me? Try it out! I bet you get more responses. Seriously, find a bookie and I would put money on it. Well, before I did that, I'd want you to correct the typos in your profile essays because I can't get behind that sort of sloppiness... But once that was fixed, yes, I'd stake money on the effectiveness of this message. Much luck to you!
-me

I'm going to think about this longer but I kind of want to send that message...